These past two days have been busy ones for me. I was asked to share my story with a Minnesota State Representative at the Capitol and then take part in a discussion panel at the University of St Thomas Law School. Two very different experiences, both of them quite educational, however, I am not sure they were quite as helpful as we thought they were going to be. Let me explain:
I'm going to start with today's meeting at UST. The Attorney, another surrogate, and myself were to take part in a discussion in a law class that was currently going over the legal aspects of surrogacy laws in this state. The funny thing is that there really aren't laws in this state regarding surrogacy, so it also ventured into the area of what kind of laws there should be and the moral, ethical portions of surrogacy. Easy, right? Ha!
Selfie at St Thomas School of Law
Prior to us coming to the class, they had already heard from a nationally known speaker who is opposed to surrogacy, and presents a good case against it. We knew that we had to try to clarify anything the previous speaker said and possibly change their minds regarding surrogacy, if possible.
Thankfully, the Attorney is very good at what he does and he is very passionate about the subject of surrogacy. He also was brought up Catholic, so he is aware of the Church's stand on surrogacy (they are against it.) Helpful to have that knowledge in your background, right?
The class asked him one question and he pretty much took it from there. Other questions were asked and more tangents were had. He invited both of us surrogates to speak and briefly share our stories. I know that the "uneducated, feeble minded, easily coerced for money" thing was in everyone's mind, so I kind of emphasized my education, work history, and background in my couple of minutes.
Some of the questions the students had were great questions for the lawyer to answer. A few of the questions were directed at him but seemed like they were aimed at us as surrogates. I kind of feel like some of these were questions the people I have encountered who haven't supported me during this time would have asked, had they been offered the position of anonymity like these students had. Questions like:
"Why should an infertile couple or individual be allowed to purchase sperm or an egg. This seems like it crosses into making children a commodity."
"Why should a surrogate get paid?"
"Would I gestate a child again without getting paid?"
"Are surrogates required to report any monies to the IRS?"
"What is stopping an unstable woman from becoming a surrogate?"
From these examples, let your mind wander to other possible questions and they probably were asked today.
I wasn't offended by these questions. For the most part, the students and the teachers were respectful and really seemed to want to get to the root of the matter. They were definitely there to learn and not necessarily judge. I was actually amused by one student who said that she has two children conceived with the aid of donated sperm so she "knows exactly what we are going through by being a surrogate." Ha! Ha! Ha!
That is the gist of today's events. Yesterday's events are an entirely different story.
At the Capitol with our April snowstorm
Yesterday was a meeting in the Minnesota State House at the Capitol with Representative Mary Liz Holberg. She is a very influential person in the Republican party in Minnesota. I looked her up prior to going to the meeting. She is definitely a force to be reckoned with, apparently. She has been a leader among the conservatives with many of the important votes. The one thing I thought might be helpful with influencing her is that she has recently announced her retirement at the end of this session. It seems that people who don't need to worry about a vote to reelect them often vote on things the way they want. Its the "nothing to lose" mentality.
Ah, how naive, I am about the political system! The Attorney, our lobbyist, a parent who has children with the help of a gestational surrogate, and I met with the Rep Holberg in her office. She basically said "I've already talked with *person I don't know* and I told him that I would vote yes on the little bill but I won't vote yes on the big bill."
Basically, she would be okay with the intent of parentage and the embryo and egg donation portion of the bill, but she is not okay with the surrogate portion of the bill. Sheesh! We were kind of expecting opposition of the bills, so it is possible to separate the bill and just have the first two parts go to the Floor for a vote.
The Attorney had me tell Rep Holberg a little about why I decided to be surrogate. You all know my reasons (and if you don't, call me! Let's meet for dessert and I would love to chat!) Rep Holberg listened a bit to me and then she stopped me by saying "I personally think what she and other surrogates do is great. I think that most of the surrogates are like her. They are educated, strong, and not just in it for the money. However, the MCCL and the Catholic Church are at my throat about this bill. I will back the little bill like I said, but I just can't back the surrogate portion of the bill."
I left the meeting feeling like no matter what was said to whom, they already had their minds made up on how they are going to vote. It seems like most of the politicians are more concerned about how they are going to get reelected, rather than how bills will benefit their constituents.
I did have a couple of minutes to talk with the Attorney where I was able to ask some questions of him that have come up the past couple of days. My questions are as follows:
-Why/how is the topic of surrogacy a partisan issue? (Some people see surrogacy as creating embryos, many of which aren't used in the IVF process. Since some of the embryos are destroyed after the couple has the child/children they want, some individuals see this as pre-abortion. Hence, the party issues.)
-Why are people comparing sperm, egg, and embryo compensation with organ donation? (It seems like sperm, egg, and embryos would be better compared to blood and plasma donation in that if you donate an organ, your body, as a rule, cannot regenerate or compensate for it. Sperm, eggs, blood, and plasma are entirely different in that your body either has a ton of them (eggs and sperm) or can regenerate (blood and plasma). Am I missing something?)
-What is the "normal" protocol for unused embryos? I know one of the arguments against surrogacy is that embryos are destroyed after the number of children wanted have been born. (According to the Attorney, most embryos are still frozen, very few are destroyed as the couple has worked so hard to have a child and are unwilling to destroy any possible other children. Over 55,000 frozen embryos are in the US today.)
Those were my big questions from the past couple of days. Even though I have been personally involved in this process, it appears there is much more to learn with many different positions to consider.
It's kind of funny for me to hear different people's stories and what people are willing to accept based on their knowledge of the issue. I talked with someone just this week who based their negative opinion of surrogacy on a conversation they have had with one nurse who doesn't even work in the fertility field and what this nurse told them about embryos. Again, their judgement of me, Cohen and Brady, B & R, M & A, all of my surrogate friends, the doctors and other healthcare workers I have worked with... all based on what one uneducated person said. It's difficult for me to be okay with letting this person/s have their judgements, prejudices, whatever you want to call it when it means so much to me. I just don't get it. How can anyone see a picture of Brady and Cohen and think that how they got here is wrong? Maybe its just my optimistic view of life that would rather focus on their adorable faces and the happiness that surrounds them. No matter what their views on the subject, it still boggles my mind that with so much good that happens because of surrogacy there are still people who look at a small part of "what if" and judge the entire process by this small "what if" scenario. Like I said, its funny in a "smack your hand to your forehead" kind of way.
Wow. How did my soapbox come out again? Sorry about that. Oh, well. That'll happen. After all, I support small miracles!
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