I don't have much to report today. After a whirlwind of packing and getting ready, Shawn and I left home before four a.m. this morning for our flights to Toronto. It really is a bit strange to be traveling far away and have all of the travel arrangements made for me. I just need to follow the packet of information in my carry on and I'm set!
I'm currently on a small-ish size airplane after a very quick plane change in DC. There was a short time during the last flight when I was concerned I wouldn't make my connecting flight, but I did make it with 15 minutes to spare.
Tomorrow, I will be going to the clinic for the transfer of M & A's embryos into me. I know I've been pretty casual about this whole thing as we have prepared for this weekend. I honestly do feel the enormity of the situation, even if I'm not showing or expressing it. To think that I get to help a wonderful couple have a child who, through no fault of their own, are completely unable to naturally have a child, is not lost on me. I realize this is no small undertaking, nor is this something I just jumped into on a whim.
People keep asking me if I'm nervous. I can honestly say that no, I am not a bit nervous. I did quite a bit of research before I even talked with the agency about surrogacy. I knew couples who have had children through surrogacy. I also went to school with a lady who was a two time surrogate, and this was years before the media made surrogacy mainstream. I think what I am feeling mostly is excitement. Excitement and anticipation. You know the feeling you get when you have a really good secret? Like, you know a child has always wanted a Red Rider BB Gun and you know that is what they are getting for Christmas and can't wait to see the look on their face? That is kind of what I am feeling. Lots of anticipation and excitement.
I know that in a previous post I talked about me worrying about all of the "what ifs" that could take place. "What if this transfer doesn't work?" "What if the pregnancy takes and then I miscarry?" "What if something happens to me during this procedure or even the pregnancy?" "What if...?" After thought and prayer I can honestly say that I have put the "What ifs" behind me. I've always been a positive person, a positive thinker. I chose to think positively about everything involved in this situation. Not that that automatically guarantees a healthy baby and smooth sailing, but it lets me concentrate on what I can do about the situation and helps me focus on Who is really in control of my life. And those are some things I can control.
For now, I am going to enjoy the travel (I LOVE flying and traveling to places I've never been!) I'm thankful that Shawn was able to join me on this adventure. It will be nice to spend time alone with him and just hang out with my best friend. And in 24 hours I will be officially introduced to a little miracle or two...
No comments:
Post a Comment