What a Difference a Week Makes!

Last Sunday I was pregnant. This Sunday I am not! So much has happened in one amazing week! 

Brady and Cohen have had their ups and downs. That will happen with premature babies. Overall, they are doing so very well! 

Cohen under his bili light.

Brady wearing his designer bili mask.

On Thursday, my OB came in to discharge me from the hospital. She talked with me about the delivery and how I was doing. We talked about what to expect as I heal from a c-section. She also talked with me about having another baby, either as a surrogate or one of my own. She said that she would be okay with me having another one and I would be a good candidate for a VBAC, but if I were to carry twins again it would be an automatic c-section. I was glad to hear that I could safely carry again. This was a concern of mine this week.

The pumping is going really well. I've been able to not only keep up but get ahead of where the boys are with their feedings. 

One big thing that has changed in the past week is that I almost have a waist again! With my past two pregnancies I was back to my "normal" clothes in about a week. Well, this recovery has been a bit more challenging just because of the c-section and carrying twins, so I wasn't expecting to be back to my prepregnancy right away. However, I'm starting to see my waist coming back to where I know it to be.

The other crazy thing is that for the past 5 days I've been experiencing some swelling in my legs and feet. That's right, I am now the proud owner of cankles. Ouch! I've been told that because of the large amounts of fluids I was given before, during, and after the delivery is the likely cause of the swelling. It should go away sometime in the next week or so. In the meantime, I'm accepting that my shoe selection is drastically limited to just my slip on BOB's and some day I will be able to wear other shoes. 

Shawn and I had quite a bit of fun on Friday night. We went to a musical and ran into a bunch of people we know after the show. Some had heard I was pregnant, others knew I was a surrogate and had delivered on Monday. It was fun to see the many reactions of people as we chatted with them. One person came up to us and offered her congratulations. She said "wow, twins! Life is really going to change, huh?" I replied, "no, not really." She gave me a look that said I must be delusional, and said "well, with two little girls and now twin boys, you are bound to have many changes come to your house." I just said no, it shouldn't change our house much. I waited for her look of confusion to cross her face and then said "you know I'm a surrogate, right? We aren't keeping to boys ourselves." 

We had quite a few conversations like this after the show. They gave us good laughs that evening!

I've been able to see the boys several times since leaving the hospital. The hard part is that I'm not supposed to drive right now as I'm on several pain meds. As soon as I'm off the big guns, I should be back behind the wheel and able to visit the babies a bit easier. 

B & R have been great, sending me pics of the boys every day and letting me know how they are doing. It's been so nice receiving these updates so I can see them even when I'm not actually there to visit.

I hope to see the boys a few times this week. It's so amazing to see how they change every day. They are amazing little miracles!

An Update and Questions Answered

Questions have been coming in from some family and friends, so I thought I would offer an update on the boys and me and then share some of the questions and answers I have been receiving. 

First, the boys. I was able to spend several hours with the boys today. They are in an actual room, well, two adjoining rooms actually. The NICU currently has three sets of twins, so after the set currently occupying the twin room vacates, Brady and Cohen may get that room. Its a larger room where they can be in the same area and not have a partial wall separating them. They both have spent the day under the blue billi lights and are doing well with them. They both have had their feedings increased; Brady is up to 12mL every 3 hours, Cohen is up to 10mL every three hours. (If you are wondering, 5mL is equal to 1 teaspoon.)

I spent the first part of the morning in Brady's area and enjoyed watching him kick and move. Wow, is that little boy active! Later in the morning, I was in Cohen's room for a good chunk and was treated to him fussing and spending quite a bit of time with his eyes open and looking around. I was given a good treat and was able to hold him for about 45 minutes. He is such a snuggle bug and settled down so easily. What a little sweetie!

Snuggling with Cohen for the first time.

I've been told to rest this afternoon and can go down to see the boys again this evening if I'm feeling better. 

When I came up from visiting the boys, my nurse and I discovered that I had a little bit of drainage and a significant increase in bruising around my incision. It's nothing that should prevent me from going home tomorrow nor is it unsafe for me. It's just an indication that I probably bent or rose in a wrong way, and now I need to let it calm down. The pain meds are working, but I've learned that I need to stay on top of their schedule. I've done a pretty good job of that today and have been feeling better today than yesterday. 

On to the questions and answers I've apparently missed blogging about, I'll try to fill in some of them. They may seem a bit random, but I'll see what I can do. 

On Monday when I arrived at the hospital, R had not arrived yet. Shawn and I had our girls with us, but as the nurse was taking care of me, R arrived soon after. R offered to stay with the girls so Shawn could be with me. B was not yet in the state, but was making arrangements to get here ASAP. Unfortunately, that meant that B didn't get here until 2pm due to flight schedules. 

Neither B or R were present in the OR when the babies were born. Things happened too fast with Brady's delivery to get R in the room to watch the birth, and as Cohen's delivery was an emergency c-section and I was knocked out for it anyway, Shawn was required to leave the room and wait in the hallway. 

After I woke up, Dr Wagner explained what happened during Cohen's birth to require the c-section. Apparently, after Brady was delivered, Cohen was still very high in the uterus. The contractions were very gentle and were not strong enough to bring Cohen down, so they gave me Pitocin to strengthen the contractions. Meanwhile, Dr Wagner and the bedside nurse attempted to manually move Cohen by reaching inside and pushing on my belly. What ended up happening was that Cohen did move, however, he moved transverse, which is sideways. Because of the Pitocin, my uterus contracted so much that Cohen wasn't able to be moved and was basically held in that transverse position. This required the c-section. 

The first time that I talked with B & R, I told them I would be willing to attempt to provide breast milk for a time for the babies. I have started pumping while in the hospital and am happy with the production I am getting right now. The boys are being fed the breast milk through their NG tubes. No, I don't know how long I will be pumping, it would be easy to say that I will pump for 6-12 months. I would love to be able to pump that long and provide milk for the boys. It's so good for them and it is good for me as well. However, I haven't pumped for twins and I don't know how my body will respond to keeping up with this demand. I'm optimistic and will pump as long as I am able. 

I have had a couple of people ask if I have or will breast feed the boys. The answer to this is no, I will not. That particular act is a very personal, bonding act, and I wish to not cross any boundaries as a surrogate. I am not their mother, nor do I want that responsibility, and I know that actually nursing them would cause my emotions a lot of confusion. By pumping it protects me emotionally from crossing the proper relationship boundaries I will have with the boys. 

How have things changed with us? B & R, Shawn and I have all been through a lot these past 8 months. We have had a lot of extremely happy moments, a couple of stressful times, and a lot of fun. I think we all would say that we have all made lifelong friends and look forward to watching these beautiful little miracles grow. 

Getting to Know You

Today has been a busy day all around. Not "running errands" kind of busy, but more of a "let's find out what kind of meds I need to get through life" and "who are these amazing little people who have joined us" kind of busy.

On the meds front, I am amused by the differing of opinions on medication and pain management. Most of the nurses have encouraged me to stay ahead of the pain and keep up the pains meds. The nurse I had today was encouraging me to go as long as I can to try to not depend on the meds. I think I am going to listen to the other nurses and stay ahead of the pain. It's not every day that I have a body part cut open and then sewed back together. Yeah, I'll stick with the pain meds. As long as we have that figured out, I'm good. 

As for the boys, what amazing little people they are! They are so adorable and so sweet. Shawn and I went down to their room in the early afternoon. B & R were out at the time I arrived but the nurse introduced herself and invited me to come closer. I was so excited to see that Cohen no longer has the C-PAP and is on regular room air. He also was able to have his OG tube removed and just has an NG tube. He looks so good without the facial apparatus! What a little cutie! It was so amazing to see his little face looking so good. 

Sweet Cohen without the C-PAP.

The nurse finished up what she was doing and asked if I would like to hold Brady. Of course I would like to hold him! She encouraged me to sit down, gave me a pillow and a blanket, and proceeded to untangle Brady from all of his wires and tubes. She handed him to me and left me to spend some time with him. 

Getting to hold Brady for the first time. 

I've held small babies before, but I do think that Brady is the smallest baby I've held. We asked the nurse what his length is and she reported that he is a little over 17 inches long. Cohen is also a bit over 17 inches as well. (Annalies has dollies at home that are about the same size as Brady and Cohen!) Brady was very awake for a while and just looked and listened to us chatting. He settled down after a little bit, but he is a busy little guy! He is just so precious and I am so glad that I was able to hold him for a time. 

Brady making faces at us

I've got to admit that holding Brady and seeing Cohen without the C-PAP was so amazing. These events rank way up there to holding my girls for the first time and the feeling of pride and awe every parent knows. I am so glad they both are okay, and here for us all to meet. How amazing to see such miracles with your eyes! 

Brady did need to be put under the billi lights. He has a mask to wear to protect his eyes and then they turn the bright lights on to reduce any jaundice. Jaundice is pretty common with premature babies, so no worries with his newest development. 

Shawn just came back to my room after bringing some milk to the boys and he reports that this evening Cohen also was given a billi light to ward off jaundice. This development won't prevent the boys from being able to move to a family room tomorrow. This will give them a bit more of a permanent room where B & R can put some things for the boys in a location that isn't so public. Right now they are in a room/cove that has a curtain across the front to separate them from the nurse's station. This room will have a glass wall and a door that can close. Very important and helpful to give them a bit more privacy for some family time. 

Tonight, R & B brought us dinner. We had a nice picnic in my room and chatted for a couple of hours. It was great to spend time with them and just talk. I do like knowing that they will be here for a little while and I will not have to say goodbye on Thursday when I leave the hospital. I do know that they will have to go back home eventually, but I'll probably be back at work around that time and we all will be needing to find our new normal. I'll cross that bridge when we get to it. 

I've told Shawn that since I am feeling okay, if he needs/wants to go to work tomorrow, I should be okay. I will need him here with me on Thursday for my discharge, so he might as well go in while he can. I think that I might go visit the boys and B & R a few more times tomorrow. Maybe I'll deliver the milk to them myself instead of sending it with a nurse. We will see how I am doing and then I will go from there. 

It's been an exciting day with so many great developments with the boys. I look forward to seeing what fun accomplishments they cross tomorrow! What amazing little miracles they are!

Unexpected Miracles

Sit back for a long story! Caution: may be a bit TMI for some people.

At a little after 2 this morning I was awakened by some pretty whopping lower back pain. I apparently cried out and woke up Shawn. I decided to try to use the bathroom and see if that would help with the pain. It was a major ordeal just sitting up, but once I was sitting the back pain went away and I had some lower abdominal pain. Hmm...

I used the bathroom which did help me feel better and went back to bed. Again, very difficult with pain. As I tried to find a comfortable position, I experienced a contraction. Nothing horrible, but just made me take note. As I was laying down I kept getting bursts of pain in my lower back, but they did not feel like contractions at all.

Sometime around 3:15, I decided to take a shower and see if the warm water would help my body relax. It did help with both the back and pelvic pain and I thought things were looking up.

After I got out of the shower, all of the pains were back. I sat on the bed (it hurt too much to lay down) and told my husband that I need to go to the hospital.

I quickly called my OB and told her what was going on. She said that she would see me at the hospital.

Shawn and I then started calling the people who we had lined up to take care of the girls. At 4 am we were unable to get a hold of any of the six people we had lined up! I was getting frustrated and was in more pain than ever so I suggested that I just drive myself to the hospital. Shawn quickly nixed that idea so we decided that we should just take the girls with us.

I climbed in the car while Shawn bundled the girls up and brought them out to the car. Natalie thought it was great that she was coming with us and was pretty excited for the adventure. Annalies was just tired, stunned, and pretty quiet for the whole ride.

As Shawn was loading the girls, I called R's phone and got voicemail. Then I called B's phone and let B know I was on my way to the hospital. B asked how I was doing and I responded with okay but in a lot of pain. B said they would be on their way!

I called the Agency's after hours number and told the person who answered that I was on my way to the hospital. She responded with "well, let's hope it's a false alarm and we will talk with you later."

The entire ride was rather horrible. I was definitely contracting by this point and I felt like I was contracting more than not. A couple of times during the ride when the contractions were really bad I considered telling my husband to go to a closer hospital, rather than my OB's hospital. But then the contraction would stop and we kept going. I also noticed that I wasn't feeling pressure to push, so I took that as a good sign. Each mile brought me closer to pain meds!

Once we arrived at the hospital, Shawn pulled up to the emergency entrance and ran in to get a wheel chair. Shawn and another person came out and helped me out of the car and into the chair. I was wheeled up to the maternity triage area where they were waiting for me.

My nurse, Nancy, was great. She helped me get into a gown and checked me out. With a look of surprise she said "I need someone else to check you, too." She grabbed another nurse and told someone else to call Dr Wagner. The other nurse confirmed Nancy's suspicion and they told me I was fully dilated with the bag of waters bulging.

Things started going fast at this point. An OR nurse came in to get my info and see where I was, Dr Wagner came in to check me and did an ultrasound to see which position the boys were in. Nancy hooked me up to an IV to get a bunch of fluids and some meds in me. Labs came in to draw some blood. Shawn came in to check on me and he announced that R was here and watching the girls while he checked on me.

During all of this I kept asking for some pain meds. Many people told me that other things needed to happen before I could have an epidural or any other pain meds. Grr. Not happy.

I was quickly wheeled across the hall to an OR and I met the anesthesiologist. He kind of questioned the epidural as I was completely dilated and pretty much ready to go. I told him I didn't care what he gave me, I just wanted pain meds! He went with the epidural as that is what Dr Wagner wanted and I waited for the meds to kick in.

Before I knew what was happening or even before the meds kicked in it was time to get Brady out. I pushed for about 10 minutes and out Brady came at 5:53 am! He started crying immediately which was a wonderful sound to hear! His little cry was such a reassurance to me, this precious little baby who has been causing so much trouble was crying and okay. 

After the nurses cleaned him up, they were about to whisk him away to the NICU. Before he left, I requested to see him for a minute. Such a tiny little pumpkin, all puffy and pink! 

After Brady left, Dr Wagner kept doing her thing down at the business end of me. She was using ultrasound to make sure Cohen's position didn't change. He was up rather high in my abdomen and Dr Wagner and the nurses needed to move him into position. They started me on Pitocin to help get some stronger contractions going to help move Cohen down. Thankfully, the epidural was kicking in a little bit and I wasn't feeling the contractions much.  Dr Wagner was doing everything she could, both internally and externally to move Cohen down. (Honestly, all of the movement of Cohen hurt a LOT! I could have used a lot more pain meds.)

Once Cohen finally came down, he was angled rather funny and refused to change to a more labor-conducive position. He was positioned in a transverse position with his shoulder coming down first. 

As Dr Wagner continued to try to do a version and move Cohen into a head down position for about 45 minutes, she finally had to stop. That is when she informed me that she needed to do a C-Section for the health and safety of both me and Cohen. I asked her about the version and she said that he's now wedged in my pelvis with his shoulder trying to deliver first and he's unable to be moved.

Things became very active at this point. A ton of people came into the room as the overhead speaker announced "C-Section, operating room 1." I was introduced to the new anesthesiologist and two nurse anesthetists as a bunch of other people came into the room. 

The anesthesiologist asked how my pain level was and I told him that I was okay right now but the epidural didn't work during Brady's birth. He gently told me that since the epidural didn't work, he would need to put me under using general anesthesia and I would sleep during the procedure. 

As things got set up around me and they got me prepped, I was told that I would be going to sleep right before they started the C-Section. In a matter of a couple minutes I was asleep. It was around 6:45 when I was out.

I learned later that Cohen was delivered at 6:50 am. He was curled in a little ball inside. He has one little bruise on his left leg from being turned inside me, but otherwise he had an uneventful delivery, I've been told.

I remember waking up in the recovery room and I asked how Cohen was. No one seemed to know but they said they would call up to the NICU and find out for me. A little while later a nurse came down from the NICU and she brought Shawn with her. She let me know that both the boys were doing well, at that time they both were getting a little assistance with breathing, but she said they were doing well. I asked about their weights and it took a little bit of looking until she found them for me. Brady was born 3 lbs 10 oz, Cohen was born 3 lbs 12 oz.

The boys are doing well. I was able to go down to the NICU and see them tonight. B & R were with their babies when I was wheeled into their room. I'm so amazed at just how precious these little guys are. They are so tiny and so perfect in every way. 

Brady is off all assisted breathing and just has a NG tube (tube in his nose) to assist with feedings.

Cohen originally was on a ventilator, but has graduated to the C-PAP. His breathing is improving as well. Cohen has an OP tube (tube in his mouth) to assist with feedings.

I snapped a couple of pics of the boys while I was visiting. Enjoy the pics of these amazing little miracles!

Brady resting in his bassinet.

Cohen all swaddled in his bassinet.

Staying Busy While Staying Down

I've learned an important lesson this week: there is a huge difference between staying down at home and staying down while out. 

This week, unfortunately, required me to be down while out more than the previous weeks. Specifically, I had to drive several times for some distance or sit upright for quite a while. Both situations, I've learned, are rather uncomfortable for me at this stage of the pregnancy. Yesterday's drive has put me in bed with quite a bit of back pain and Tylenol to try to relieve it. Hopefully, pain free movement will come soon as Shawn works all afternoon and I'm home alone with our girls.

As far as I know, I only have a couple of things outside of the house this week, and I will be bringing a pillow along for some back support. Lesson learned!

Brady and Cohen are still busy little guys, in spite of my awkward upright sitting. I'm blaming Brady for finding my rib and pushing on it whenever I'm sitting. Wow, is he trying to move that thing! When both boys are vying for prime foot placement under my ribs they apply so much pressure to them that the back side of my ribs ache! And I've learned that it's next to impossible to push back a foot when it's under a rib!

I'm pretty sure Cohen is still head down. He's being good, other than fighting with his brother for foot placement. :-)

Brady has been moving a lot. I'm getting jabs from his arms a lot more (they are more around the mid section of my belly, rather than up high or down low). I'm actually amused by those movements as they are more unexpected than a kick.

Last week I asked my OB about a maternity belts for some added support. She gave me a prescription for one and sent me across the hall to pick it up. I've been wearing it pretty much non-stop, except while sleeping. I do feel better with it and I feel like it's helping keep the boys from sitting so low (and hopefully stop them from causing trouble down there!) 

For this week, my plans are to keep things as quiet and easy as I am able, be glad that we are hitting the 32 week point, and lug a pillow along any time I need to leave the house. :-)

I had a nice feeling of love and support yesterday while chatting with a couple of my cousins. I was asked if I would like a baby shower. I said, no thank you, showers are to help prepare for the babies and since I have no plans to keep them, I didn't think a shower necessary. She then asked if I'd like a party to celebrate the pregnancy. Hmm, that's a bit different. I said I would love to get together with people that I love after the babies are born and we all can catch up and relax. I'm pretty sure this idea was what they all wanted to hear because the next thing I knew I was hearing about mani/pedis, mimosas, desserts, and a lot of fun! Knowing my cousins, as soon as they hear I've given birth they will start planning the party! My cousins and I are very close and I love them for the support they are giving me.

Learning with little miracles.

31 weeks 5 days 

Babies on Trial

Last night I joined six other surrogates, four parents who have had children through surrogacy, and a lawyer at a Minnesota Senate Judiciary Committee hearing. It was an amazing experience! 

We arrived at the Capitol at 5:40 for our six o'clock session of which we were second on the agenda. Another surrogate found a bench for me to sit on instead of having to wait in line. I was contemplating sitting on the floor, so the bench was a great option. Another surrogate who is 39 weeks pregnant sat with me and we passed the time together. We both had brought snacks and a bunch of water with us and enjoyed our own little picnic on the bench. 

The evening session was scheduled to start at 6, however, we were warned that the previous session was running late so we might have to wait a bit. A bit turned in to an hour and forty five minutes so we finally got into the room at 7:45. The Senate committee was taking a 20 minute recess for them to get a bite to eat. What I've discovered is that, to the Senate, a 20 minute break is equivelant to "I'll be down in a minute, honey!" 20 minutes my eye.

At 8:20ish the committee finally reconvened and started with the first proposed amendment. It was interesting to see how the whole process works. Republicans on our right, democrats on the left and a whole bunch of aids, pages, lobbyists, clerks, and who knows who else sprinkled throughout the room. 

I was completely unimpressed with the whole process. I feel like no matter what kind of testimony either side presented the committee members already had their minds made up. I wittnessed a couple of the members eating, checking their smart phones or tablets, or talking with others around them during various testimonies. Tell me how this is fair and giving the people of Minnesota a voice? 

After over an hour of testimony and debate, the first item on the agenda finally wrapped up and it was our turn. 

Our lobbyist had prepped us for what was to happen and when. Our lawyer, the senator who was backing our amendment, and the first person to testify went up to the table. After introducing the amendment and the reasons behind it, the testimonies began.

Before I get in to the testimonies, I'll breifly paraphrase the amendment.

1) currently, the law in Minnesota states that if a woman births a child the child is hers, regardless of genetic relation. The amendment allows that if the woman is under contract to carry a child for another, the parentage upon birth will immediately go to the parents, not the surrogate. Currently, the parents have to adopt their own child(ren) after the birth simply because the child(ren) was birthed by another person. The amendment would eliminate this step.

2)If a couple enters into a contract with a surrogate, both members of the couple would be considered the parents, despite any genetic material used. If a husband/wife couple has a surrogate and they use the husband's sperm but a donor egg, this amendment would say that the child born to the surrogate is both of theirs. (A case currently being debated in Minnesota is the direct result of this. Husband/wife used his sperm and a donor egg. Three days after finding out the surrogate was pregnant, the husband passed away. The courts now have to decide what to do with the child as the wife has no genetics vested in the child).

I'm sure I've missed some of the finer points, but you get the gist of it. Basically, the amendment would offer some more protection to surrogates and parents and help make the process easier and less expensive for all involved.

We had two surrogates who gave testimony and three different parents who all shared their stories. When the surrogates spoke, all of us surrogates were requested to stand and be recognized as surrogates in favor of this amendment. I was amused by the reactions of those around us as two very pregnant women and four others stood up. There were murmurs and smiles around the room. *warm fuzzies!*

Next came the opponents. There were only two of them present. As the first opponent was speaking, she managed to infuriate and aggravate every one of the surrogates present. (Hasn't she been been told not to tick off a pregnant woman?) According to her, surrogates are "uneducated, underprivileged women who just rent out their womb for profit." Not even kidding. (Coincidently, of the 7 surrogates present, 6 have bachelors degrees or higher, 7 are employed full-time, and 6 of us are married.) We managed to not say anything but each of us exchanged looks and eye rolls with one another as she tried to portray us as money grubbing, uneducated, women incapable of making informed decisions. 

To make a long story, well, shorter than the 50 minutes our session took, the Senate committee PASSED our proposed bill, allowing it to go to the Senate floor by a vote of 5-3. Unfortunately, opponents of this bill are going to the Senate floor this morning to request that this bill go back to yet another committee, thus stalling it in committees which would cause it to die this legislative session. (Feel free to write to your Senator this morning and ask them to NOT allow this to go to another committee and just proceed with a floor vote. I can give you the info on how to do this if you would like.)

We were all very excited last night (at 10:30) when we finally left the stifling hot Senate room. We are confident this bill is a very good step for the future of surrogacy and there are a lot of us who are working hard to make this happen! 

Looking out for future miracles. 

Proud surrogates after the Senate Judiciary Committee Hearing

Shawnee: Surrogate and Contortionist Extraordinaire!

A couple of days ago I passed into the land of "late pregnancy" and was greeted with the place of uncomfortableness. I haven't gone all the way to "get these kids out of me" but am at the place where I'm changing positions every 5 minutes. Today's ultrasound showed us why this is happening.

Let me fill you in on what I mean by "uncomfortable" first, then I will explain what is happening.

With my big belly, I'm feeling a lot of the baby weight rather low in my abdomen. No, this is not "pressure" and no, it's not contractions that I'm experiencing. It's purely baby weight and gravity that I'm fighting.

On top of that, I've been experiencing some massive foot jabbing in my left rib for the last couple days. I've been begging Cohen to change positions just a little as this foot hurts! In fact, Cohen was moving with large movements so much that the left side of my belly was significantly bigger than my right. I told my husband that I wouldn't be too surprised if at the ultrasound they told me that Cohen flipped again, he was moving so much!

At today's ultrasound, we found out that both babies are still head down. Brady has been low on the right. We've known that for a couple of months. However, as the tech was checking his body, she discovered that while his head is low and to the right, his fanny is up really high kind of in the middle. That's not the issue though. Brady isn't content curled up in a fetal position, oh no. His foot (feet?) are way over on my left side under my ribs! All this time I thought that Cohen was the troublemaker under my left ribs and here it is Brady! Man, can that kid push on my ribs!

Cohen apparently doesn't like Brady on "his" side and is presently sitting on Brady's foot! When the tech looked with the ultrasound, she saw lots of feet and a couple of fannies in a very small space under my left rib. 

Cohen is facing in toward the center and it's his back along my side where I've been feeling those big monstrous moves. 

I have to laugh at something the tech said today. Brady was moving quite a bit for the ultrasound but his moves were just the little moves that I can barely feel. Cohen was kind of quiet today with not a lot of movement during the test. The ultrasound tech said "he seems like a very chill baby." Ha!! If only she could see him in the late afternoon or early evening when he is all over the place and makes my stomach look like something from a sci-fi movie! Brady does move, but Cohen MOVES!

Things still look good for the babies and me. Brady's heart rate is 155 beats per minute and Cohen's heart rate is 141 beats per minute. Both boys passed their BPP easily.

I'm doing well. Dr Wagner did not check me this week. She will have to check me and do the group B strep test next week so I opted not to know if things are progressing more than last week. Let's leave well enough alone, right?

I did ask about a maternity support belt to help with the discomfort of two babies. Remember, I am currently carrying more baby weight than I ever have and I am measuring where a single pregnancy would be at 39 weeks. She was great and gave me a prescription for a belt and suggested that I have it filled at the supply place across the hall. Convenient!

I'm so glad we've made to 31 weeks. It wasn't looking so great at the scary ultrasound back at week 24! Each day, each week is a blessing and a chance for the babies to safely grow without a ton of interventions. 

Feeling blessed to be with little miracles.

31 weeks and dressed to go out (to the OBs office!)

Sleep, Sewing, and Holidays

I never would have guessed that growing two babies was such an exhausting activity! My daily nap is the only way I can somewhat feel like I can keep up with my two busy kiddos. And the funny thing is that by "keep up" I really mean "keep up mentally with the conversations, drama, and requests." 

I know part of my fatigue can be blamed on interrupted night sleep. Between multiple night time bathroom trips and our small children (or dog) needing one of us (usually mommy) during the night, I'm not getting a solid nights' sleep.

I'm still being good and staying down the vast majority of the day. Bathroom trips are frequent, small bites of food happen throughout the day, and random meals still occur (you should see some of the meals I've put together lately. I think I'm just getting points for creativity and the fact that they are filling.) On days that I'm obligated to do more, ie doctor appointment, I can really tell that the babies don't appreciate my increased activity level as they complain about it. 

I've tried to go back to my morning chai or a bit of caffeinated beverage to give me a slight boost when I'm really dragging, but what seems to happen is that the babies take all of the caffeine and sugar and just leave me with the liquid which leads me to the bathroom. The boys have quite the little party after about 15 minutes of caffeine!

All of that summed up is quite simple: I'm tired and enjoying my naps!

Other than tired, I have officially hit the place where caring for my toenails isn't happening by me. I told Shawn that I am going to splurge next month on a pedicure. I've never had one and I think that being unable to comfortably reach my toes is a great excuse to get one. I'm waiting until April for a couple of reasons: my cousin's wedding is in early April and Natalie is the flower girl. She and I might need to make a day out of having our toes done. Also, I've been predicting that the babies are going to hang out right where they are until April, so I think that would be a great reason to celebrate getting to that month. Finally, my birthday is in April and although I don't usually do much for my birthday other than a nice dinner out, I think a pedicure would be a nice way to ring in my 36th year.

With the bed rest, I am please to say that I have officially completed all of my sewing projects that I have been working on. My cousin's wedding dress has been altered, Natalie's flower girl dress has been beaded with a bazillion 2mm pearl beads and enough tulle sewn in to give her the fluff she wanted, and Annalies' Easter dress beaded to her specific specifications. 

That's what's going on with me this past week. I was pretty excited to be able to get both of the boys moving on video at different times. I quickly sent the videos on to B & R so they could see their babies moving, too. I've been trying to get them on video for a couple of months now and was thrilled to finally get them! I have a new goal now and that is to get both of them moving at the same time on video. I'm watching and waiting for this to happen, but we will see!

In honor of St Urho's Day, today's pic is with my favorite purple shirt that currently fits. What? You don't know about St Urho? Google it. It's a fairly big holiday in northern Minnesota where I'm from. People dig out the purple and the grasshoppers for today. It's kind of like St Patrick's day, without the beer. Seriously, Google it. And technically, the babies are in the land of the Finns, so they are going to celebrate with me as well. (I have no idea if the boys are Finnish, and I know I'm not Finnish, but it's something I grew up with, so they are coming along for the ride.)

And yes, tomorrow we will be in green in honor of my 1/8th Irish heritage (again, not knowing if the boys are Irish or not). Since I'm pregnant, and even more importantly, don't like beer, the most we will indulge in is a fresh batch of beer batter bread with a healthy topping of butter slathered across it. Yummy! But my kids love St Patrick's day so we will have green milk, green eggs with ham, search for some gold coins, and all get decked out in as much green as possible! After all, we don't want to get pinched for not wearing our green!

This coming week has another OB appointment with yet another BPP for the boys, there is a judiciary hearing at the Minnesota State Capitol regarding some proposed surrogacy laws that I'm hoping to attend with the aid of a wheelchair, and some more R & R. Now that my mending and sewing is done, I'm going to have to try to figure out some new reclining projects to do. Hmm, Pinterest, here I come!

Looking forward to little miracles.

30 weeks 5 days

Happy Doctor's Appointment

Today was another OB appointment. And, yeah! We were able to see the babies again! I'll start with the babies' info.

Brady is still stinkin' low, but I knew that. The past couple of days have been slightly uncomfortable for me with just how low he is. In fact, it was slightly difficult to get his measurements for an accurate size estimate so there is a possibility that his measurements are a bit off. His heart rate is 138 beats per minute. He is measuring approximately 3 lbs 5 oz (again, he was difficult to get an accurate measurement due to his position.) He is measuring right on at 30 weeks, 2 days.

Cohen, thankfully, has finally listened to reason and is now head down. Yeah! I didn't know where he was, honestly, because he gives me those large movements several times a day. Who knows what this little guy is doing in there! He gave us lovely pics (see below) and great measurements. Cohen's heart rate is 125 beats per minute. He is measuring 3 lbs 10 oz and is measuring 31 weeks 1 day. 

After the measurements and pictures, it was time for my exam. I am looking good! I am still dilated, now at 2-3 cm, however, the cervix is feeling thicker and not thinning out like it would be should I be in labor, so that is a pretty decent combination. The doctor is optimistic with where I am and where the babies are. I keep saying that these are April babies, so we have a few more weeks for them to grow inside. We will see! 

The plan from here is that if things do progress, I would go to my regular hospital. They would be able to take the babies in their NICU since we all made it to this point. I will still be going in for weekly checks on both me and the babies. At 32 weeks we will do the Group B strep check, and again at 36 weeks (yeah, right.) With my first, she was born just a day short of 36 weeks, so I didn't have this test performed and they ended up pushing the antibiotic through my IV during labor. As I really didn't want this to happen with my second daughter, I requested the check at 35 weeks. Thankfully, I was negative for Group B at that time and didn't need the antibiotics with her (It hurts like crazy going in!)

So, all in all, a very happy doctor's appointment. Things look good for both me and the babies, which I am so very thankful. Now, to relax and let them continue to grow! Growing with little miracles. 

Cohen in 4D. Look at that sweet face!

Cohen's profile.

Brady's profile. (Its the best shot we had today!)

Holy Pile of Legal Paperwork!

I was so happy to have a relaxed morning with my kids on the day after daylight savings. Natalie doesn't have school today (who knows why) so the girls and I were hanging out in jammies and watching some tv. 

Then the doorbell rang. Awe, nuts! 

I quickly ran to the door to find a delivery driver there holding something for me. Now, if you know me, you know how much I love getting fun things in the mail. It's kind of a "Christmas morning" rush that comes with a box by the door or a special delivery. Fun, right!

After answering the door, I was handed a huge envelope by a Fed Ex driver. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm being sued or divorced or something. The envelope clearly says that it's from a lawyer.

She would be wrong with any of those assumptions. I happen to know the lawyer. He's the director of the Agency and is handling all of the paperwork and legal stuff for the entirety of the surrogacy. He's a nice guy and I appreciate his experience in handing everything for us. 

After opening the big Fed Ex envelope, I found yet another envelope.

Here's where the mystery envelopes get good. Upon opening this envelope, I unearthed a huge stack of papers!

Not even kidding, this stack is a good 3/4 of an inch thick and has 20 flags or post its on them! Wow, that's quite a stack of papers (71 pages)! And, this is just one copy of everything, it's not even duplicated!

Upon reading everything, I learned that with the crazy effacement and dilation I've been experiencing, the Agency is trying to get all of the paperwork in place that we will need after the babies are born. They don't want to be caught off guard, should the babies be born early.

Without giving specifics, there's a bunch of steps that will take place in court after the babies are born. A few things that will happen is that the court will establish that I gave birth but I am not the genetic mother. (Remember, the state of Minnesota thinks that if you gave birth it's yours). The court will also acknowledge that Shawn is not the father of the babies even though he is my husband. Finally, the court will take my name off Brady and Cohen's birth certificates and put B & R on them. (The court will do a bunch of other things, but they don't really apply to me, so I'm not going to comment on them.)

Honestly, the only thing I don't like about all of this is the cold phrase "termination of parental rights." It sounds so heartless and uncaring. It's going to go down in history that I, Shawnee, voluntarily gave up parental rights of another human being.

Please don't misunderstand me. I don't want to keep these babies or take them home with me. I don't want to be responsible for the upbringing, guardianship, nurturing, or character building of Brady and Cohen. 

I have no trouble with the thought of B & R taking the babies home. I'm really good with where Shawn and I are with our family and honestly, the thought of twins is a bit daunting to me at this point in my life. I'm confident that B & R are going to be wonderful parents and will give Brady and Cohen all the love and support they need. It's just the cold words and terminology that I don't like. (Can I blame this a bit on hormones?)

B & R can be confident that they will have no issues from me when it comes to all of this legal stuff. I get that this is just how it is right now in our state and this is just what needs to be done to make this surrogacy all legal, final, and stuff like that. I just wish there was another way to phrase it. Something that was a little less "made for TV movie" and a little more "I did my part, now it's time for the parents to do their thing." How about "wish them well and keep in touch." or "it's been fun, drive safely." 

I know, I know, the legal system is supposedly devoid of feelings so it can be impartial to all parties involved. I get that and know it is necessary. Courts aren't subject to the hormones of a pregnant woman (and thank God for that, right!)

Anyway, Shawn and I will soon find time to go to a notary and sign our names 18 times. We will get the big ol' packet back to the Agency. And we will make sure things are legal for little miracles.

Singleton vs Twins

This week I realized that while many women have the blessing of carrying a baby once or twice (or more) in their life, the odds of a woman carrying multiples is slim. That being said, this post is mostly for the women who have carried a baby and want to know what it is like to have two babies at the same time. 

Let's start with the morning sickness from the first trimester. I didn't have a lot of nausea with either of my single pregnancies. There was a little bit of nausea and some pretty fabulous food or scent aversions (hello, raw meat! I couldn't see raw meat, let alone smell it for the entirety of my first pregnancy.) Twins: Holy cow the nausea! My OB kept telling me that with two babies the hormones that cause nausea were magnified and that's what caused the truly "fabulous" morning sickness. I'm just so thankful that Zofran was invented so I could have brief moments of nausea reprieve. I am so glad that I didn't have the morning sickness throughout the entire pregnancy!

Showing. Obviously its magnified with multiples. I believe I was sporting a pretty decent baby bump by 10 weeks. With my girls, I felt puffy around week 14ish, but didn't have much of a bump until I was closer to weeks 18-20. My doctor measured me at my last appointment and my uterus is measuring where I was when I gave birth to both of my singles. And, just think, as every woman who has had a baby knows, a ton of the baby weight happens in the last trimester! In the last 6ish weeks the babies will gain about 1/2 lb every week.

Movements are definitely different. When just one of the babies is moving at a time it feels a lot like when carrying just one baby. That being said, when both of the babies are moving it is such a different experience. I often guess at what is going on in there when they are both moving. Cohen has the big movements. I don't often feel like he has the small jabs or kicks that often happens with babies. It feels like he is trying to get comfortable over there and enjoys sticking his little fanny out the side to make more room (he curls up and gets his knees up to his chest). Cohen also likes to stretch out fully by jamming his head under my ribs (yes, he's still breach) and sometimes pushing his feet down on whatever organs are crammed into my lower abdomen. Meanwhile, Brady's head is stinkin' low in my pelvis. I can often feel his hands or arms pushing out toward my leg (strange, I know). He doesn't kick me in the ribs too often, but he has a lot of room since he is so low. He's a puncher and a bit of a kicker, but they aren't painful at all. He moves a lot, but not the big "lean over to the side to give him his space" kind of movements (that's Cohen's thing). 

I know that when Natalie or Annalies was in utero feeling their movements was such a bonding experience for both me and Shawn. When Cohen or Brady is moving, I'm enjoying the feeling and I grab my phone to try to video it to share with B & R. I want them to be able to see their babies' movements as well. However, these babies are rather camera shy and usually stop moving as soon as I click play. Silly boys! Hopefully, once they come out in the open, they will more open to pictures and videos. 

Fatigue is a bit exaggerated at this point with twins. First trimester fatigue was comparable to that with the girls. I'm not sure if I really can compare this third trimester fatigue with that of my other two. I wasn't on bed rest with the other pregnancies. I'm not sure if the fatigue I'm experiencing these past couple of weeks is from my body helping little babies grow, the lack of activity I'm experiencing, or just third trimester fatigue. Either way, my afternoon nap/rest is something I cherish these days!

I hope my observations have helped give a glimpse into some of the differences between a singleton pregnancy and a multiple pregnancy. There definitely are differences between carrying one baby and carrying two. It's a totally different ballgame with two!  

Overall, the boys and I are doing well. They definitely like me "down" rather than active and I can tell on days that I attempt too much. 

Bed rest is going well. Honestly, I do miss adult conversation. Some days Shawn is out of the house from 8:15am until almost midnight. I am so thankful that Annalies is home with me so I have someone to talk with and distract me. She is at an age where she can do a lot for herself, but still needs me to help with meals and some other things. With me having to feed her a well balanced meal means that I have to feed me a well balanced meal as well. I would be prone to snack if I didn't have to give her meals. And, seriously, who doesn't love a little blonde hair, blue eyed little girl! 

Oops, off topic again. :-)  Lack of real conversations with people (thank God for Facebook, text, and email!) the inability to do housework the way I want to, and slight boredom are really the downsides to bed rest. The up side is that Brady and Cohen are thriving and staying where they need to be right now. And, that is all that that matters.

Miracles make me smile. :-)

29 weeks 5 days

I've Got Some Explaining To Do!

Kids! Gotta love them! 

My kindergartener, Natalie, told me today that she was having trouble with one of her friends. She said that she told the friend that her mommy is pregnant but "mommy is going to give the babies to our friends." Of course the friend was confused. She said that no, if your mommy has a baby you take the baby home. Natalie responded with "no, my mommy has two babies in her tummy and when they are born they aren't coming home with us. Mommy is giving the babies to her friends." Confusion ensues.

Natalie asked me if what she said was correct, am I giving the babies to B & R? I said yes, she is correct that we aren't taking the babies home with us, but the better way to tell people is that mommy is having or carrying babies for our friends. I tried to explain that the babies aren't my babies to give. I reminded her that the doctor put B & R's babies in my tummy, so they never have been my babies, I'm just growing them. More confusion ensues. She changes the subject.

Quite a bit later, Natalie brings up the subject again. She said that she has figured it out. She'll just tell people that the doctor put our friend's babies in my tummy, and when the doctor takes them out she'll give them back. All right. Whatever works for her. (I still see confusion with her friends in her future.)

I had a good chuckle out of it, anyway. :-)

Today was my weekly OB appointment. A biophysical profile (BPP) on the babies was performed as well. What this checks is the growth and development of the babies. It checks their heartrates, breathing (yes, babies practice breathing while floating around in amniotic fluid), large muscle movements (big kicks or jabs with their arms), small movements, and the amniotic fluid level. The babies both passed with no issues (I could have told her that. These babies have been kicking the stuffing out of me!)

My OB decided to not to do an internal check today. She doesn't want to aggravate things, so we will save that fun check for next time. She was pleased with my report that Brady seems to not be as low and I've not been as uncomfortable with his position. She is continuing to keep me on bed rest as it seems to be calming things down. 

I had to laugh when she said "Shawnee, you have to get through 6 more days. The babies need you to get to 30 weeks at least." To which I replied "these are April babies. They are staying in for a while." And yes, I'm still holding on to that feeling. Brady and Cohen are April babies! 

Laughing and resting with small miracles.