A Change of Plans

Ah, Cohen. He really likes to do things his own way and in his own time. He is such a sweetheart that it's impossible to be frustrated with him.

Everyone was planning on Cohen's discharge from the hospital today, but Cohen had other plans. Yesterday, he had a bit of a spell that required medical attention, so this means Cohen will not be discharged today. He's just fine today and hasn't had any issues since. The doctor and NPs have said he will be in the NICU anywhere from 3-7 days (depending on who you talk to and when). Of course, everything is dependent on Cohen and how his little body matures. 

Annalies and I visited the hospital today. Upon seeing Brady, Annalies quickly ran over to him and started talking to him. Thankfully, she's not one to just reach out and touch babies. She's very content to smile, talk, and wave to babies. Annalies had a lot of fun playing with Rodney while Brad and I went to see Cohen.

While we were visiting, Cohen started fussing. Brad was feeding Brady at the time so I was able to hold Cohen and settle him down. I love that Cohen is a snuggler and enjoys being cuddled! So wonderful! And he's so tiny that he just fits in your arms perfectly. Ahh, happiness.

Anyway, with Cohen's new little hiccup, we will not be going to the agency or Dr Wagner tomorrow. We can save those trips for a better time. 

I can hardly believe that it's been 5 weeks since Brady and Cohen arrived. It's gone by so fast, hasn't it? So much has happened in the past five weeks: court, a couple of trips to the Minnesota State Capitol, a thingy at St Thomas School of Law... 

Speaking of all of this legal stuff, there is another surrogacy legal thing, this time at the White House. Apparently, there are a bunch of insurance companies that think it's okay to have surrogacy exclusions in their policy so they don't have to cover the maternity care in a surrogate pregnancy. I don't think this is right. If everyone who reads this blog would please go to http://wh.gov/lfEau and sign this petition, I would appreciate it. It's not asking you to give money or write a letter. You just need to give your contact info and then click a button. Thank you for your help with this!

Anyway, Cohen is doing really well, Brady is doing fabulous out of the hospital with his parents, Brad and Rodney are rolling with the punches, and I'm still pumping up a storm. After all, we've got to keep these small miracles growing!

Everyone has a freezer full of milk, right? :-)

Big Changes

So much has happened in the past couple of days. The big news is that Brady is out of the hospital! He was able to be discharged on Friday, April 25th and spent his first night with his parents. I've been told that Brady did fine. Brad and Rodney, on the other hand, entertained very little sleep like most parents the first night their baby is home. Every coo, squeak, and grunt was heard by all! 

It sounds like Cohen will be discharged either today or tomorrow, hopefully. Then there really will be no sleep for anyone for a while! (Just kidding... a little bit).

Unfortunately, my allergies chose this past week to flare up, so I was unable to go visit them in the hospital for a few days. Seriously, who wants a coughing, runny nose mess around their baby? I don't do that to people. Yuck! Now that my meds have kicked in, I feel better about seeing the babies and will attempt a visit either today or tomorrow. I've missed the little guys this week!

Last night we met Brad, Rodney, and Brady for dinner. It was Brady's first dinner at a restaurant and my girls were so excited to be there for Brady's big night. 

Dinner out is always a big deal when you are 2 and 6! Brady didn't think it was that big a deal and slept through the entire meal.

This week should be busy for the boys. Once Cohen is discharged, I will help get the boys a pic with Dr Wagner. After that we all are going to visit the Agency for another pic with the people who helped us all get here. And sometime this week, they all start the return trip home.

Like I said, it will be a very busy week! I'm so thankful for small miracles!

One Month!

Happy first month, Brady and Cohen! The little guys have been out in the world for an entire month. How did that happen? One whole month! Wow!

Brady is on the left, Cohen on the right.

The little guys are doing well. They are both up to 5 1/2 lbs. Way to grow, little men!

They both are still perfecting the whole suck, swallow, breathe thing and are doing well with it. In fact, it looks like they are getting closer to discharge from the hospital! Woo hoo!

To switch gears, the pumping is going well for me. I'm sticking with the more relaxed schedule of pumping when my body tells me to rather than when the clock tells me to. I've been producing right around 2 oz per hour with each pumping session. 

Milk produced yesterday and today. I've got a LOT more frozen in the deep freezer!

My body is still trying to get used to exclusively pumping, which, I've discovered, is much different than breast feeding. To be quite honest, exclusive pumping is more painful than breast feeding. By week 2 with breast feeding with the girls I was basically pain free. I'm still dealing with quite a bit of tenderness with the pumping. It will go away eventually, so I'm not too concerned about it.

There was one more thing that happened today. I talked with my director and have given her a tentative return date of May 12th. She knows this date is contingent on my doctor clearing me to work and Brad, Rodney, Brady, and Cohen's return to their home. I did laugh as I walked through the center and talked with my coworkers. Every one of them asked me if I was going to return. Once I reassured them I was going to return they gave me a hug and asked me when I'm coming back. I think I've been missed. :-)

I told my director the current restrictions I have (the 10 lb weight limit) and the probable restrictions I will have after six weeks (20 lb weight limit). She is willing to work with me on the limits and is figuring out which class I will have upon my return. 

Hmm, who would have thought April 24th would have so much going on! Happy 1st month, little men! I'm expecting wonderful things next month from these little miracles!

A Different Perspective

Today is my birthday. Every year I try to do one thing different than I normally would on my birthday. I know, its a little cheesy, but I figure that it's my day, my rules. 

So this year for my birthday, I am going to go against the contract I signed a year ago (hey, we've been to court already. That thing is done, right?). I've been working with B & R for a little over a year now, and they are both encouraging me to use their names and post pics. 

In case you are wondering, the reason I have not posted any of their pictures and have just used their initials is due to our contract we all signed with the Agency. I was advised by our lawyer to just use initials (actually, she suggested that I not even use their real initials) in all forms of social media and public areas. I have a couple of friends who knew their real names and identities, but we kept it limited to a few, just in case. 

Hey, think about it. A year ago I had a letter from them and one phone call to base my entire opinion on. I didn't know if this was something they would be okay with, didn't know how strict they were going to be on the whole contract thing, and frankly, Shawn and I didn't want to be held financially liable for the next 18 years for their children, should they chose to sue us over breach of contract or whatever it would end up being. We now know both of them well enough to know they would never sue us for this, and besides, it was their idea to have me include their names and likenesses in my blog! 

With that being said, I'd like to introduce the entire "A Miracle or Two" blog reading audience my good friends and the parents of Cohen and Brady, B & R, better known as Brad and Rodney. 

I have a few pics of the four of us as we've traveled along this journey and I'd also like to share them here as well:

This picture was taken just after the transfer when I was about 1 hour pregnant. It was three days after we all met for the first time in Connecticut. The beginning of an amazing journey! 

The new family together for the first time at 13 days old.

Court day! The boys are officially and legally recognized as Brad and Rodney's!

Not the best pic, but we were having fun! The four of us went to see the Minnesota RollerGirls. Yes, Brady and Cohen, while you were getting bigger in the hospital, I did my best to keep your parents entertained by bringing them to see roller derby. :-) 

Wow, its strange to actually be using names instead of initials. I've been using initials on my blog for over a year now. Even before writing this post I asked other surrogates what they have done with their blogs and on Facebook. It seems like things are pretty split among surrogates with the initials or fake initials on one side and the "hey, its my blog and only people I know are reading it so I'm going to write whatever I want" on the other. I'm somewhere in the middle as I know I've given out my blog info to people I know, but I have given others permission to share it.  

It's been an amazing journey that, for Brady, Cohen, Brad, and Rodney has just begun. My big part of this journey is coming to a close as the babies get bigger and will soon be released from the hospital. Very soon after that, they all will go to their home far away and my part in their lives will be reduced to the occasional visits, emails, and texts. The circle of this surrogacy journey will be complete and successful. I look forward to seeing how their family grows with each new milestone and year. And to think this all started with the hope, dream, and wish for a miracle or two...

My first time holding both of the babies. Best birthday present ever. :-)

Happy Easter!

Yesterday Natalie and I visited Brady and Cohen in the hospital. My, how they've grown! It's wonderful to see the boys looking so good!

Brady is weighing in at 5 lbs 3 oz and Cohen is weighing 5 lbs 2 oz. They both have had their feedings increased by 5mL and are up to 42 mL. Sometimes they take a bottle, other times they are tube fed. They are learning to eat and coordinate the whole "suck, swallow, breathe" thing. It's a lot of work for these little guys to figure this eating thing out! 

With today being Easter, of course I had to get them an Easter Basket! Easter is my favorite holiday for so many reasons. Obviously, there is the sacred reason: the resurrection of Jesus. Next is the fact that Easter represents spring and brings new life and colors! After a long winter here in Minnesota the colors and promises of beautiful days to come is enough to make me so happy!

Happy Easter, Cohen!

Happy Easter, Brady!

Back to the boys' Easter basket. Ever since I was put on bed rest I have been trying to figure out something to make for the boys. I finally figured out what to make: neck ties! 

Every little guy needs a neck tie, right? And Easter is a perfect occasion for little boys in a tie (too much? Nah! This is the woman who put a bazillion seed beads on her daughters' dresses for Easter.)

Along with the ties, we found a few books and some toys to add to the basket. Annalies enjoyed picking out the books and a few of the toys. She was really proud to help with the babies' basket!

Me being me, I found a small Kermit and Fozzie to add and just had to stick them in for the boys as well. (I love Muppets! Hopefully the boys will, too, if I have anything to say about it!) They also made excellent tie models.

Today will be a busy day for us. We host Easter lunch with some of Shawn's family and we invited Rodney and Brad over for the afternoon and dinner. It should be a fun day with church and a pancake breakfast, an Easter egg hunt for the kids when we return home, and the day filled with our guests.

This Easter, I'm thankful for the new lives of Brady and Cohen that are here to celebrate with us. It is my prayer that they always know what special little miracles they are!

Advocating for Surrogacy

*Just a note. I started writing this post on Thursday afternoon. I put it down for a couple of hours to take care of my kiddos, only to fall asleep while attempting to finish it Thursday evening. Now, I am trying to get back into the feel of the post on Friday morning and afternoon, and have finally finished the entry. I'm sorry if its a bit random or jumpy, that will happen when something is written in four parts! *

These past two days have been busy ones for me. I was asked to share my story with a Minnesota State Representative at the Capitol and then take part in a discussion panel at the University of St Thomas Law School. Two very different experiences, both of them quite educational, however, I am not sure they were quite as helpful as we thought they were going to be. Let me explain:

I'm going to start with today's meeting at UST. The Attorney, another surrogate, and myself were to take part in a discussion in a law class that was currently going over the legal aspects of surrogacy laws in this state. The funny thing is that there really aren't laws in this state regarding surrogacy, so it also ventured into the area of what kind of laws there should be and the moral, ethical portions of surrogacy. Easy, right? Ha! 

Selfie at St Thomas School of Law

Prior to us coming to the class, they had already heard from a nationally known speaker who is opposed to surrogacy, and presents a good case against it. We knew that we had to try to clarify anything the previous speaker said and possibly change their minds regarding surrogacy, if possible. 

Thankfully, the Attorney is very good at what he does and he is very passionate about the subject of surrogacy. He also was brought up Catholic, so he is aware of the Church's stand on surrogacy (they are against it.) Helpful to have that knowledge in your background, right? 

The class asked him one question and he pretty much took it from there. Other questions were asked and more tangents were had. He invited both of us surrogates to speak and briefly share our stories. I know that the "uneducated, feeble minded, easily coerced for money" thing was in everyone's mind, so I kind of emphasized my education, work history, and background in my couple of minutes. 

Some of the questions the students had were great questions for the lawyer to answer. A few of the questions were directed at him but seemed like they were aimed at us as surrogates. I kind of feel like some of these were questions the people I have encountered who haven't supported me during this time would have asked, had they been offered the position of anonymity like these students had. Questions like:

"Why should an infertile couple or individual be allowed to purchase sperm or an egg. This seems like it crosses into making children a commodity."
"Why should a surrogate get paid?"
"Would I gestate a child again without getting paid?"
"Are surrogates required to report any monies to the IRS?"
"What is stopping an unstable woman from becoming a surrogate?"

From these examples, let your mind wander to other possible questions and they probably were asked today. 

I wasn't offended by these questions. For the most part, the students and the teachers were respectful and really seemed to want to get to the root of the matter. They were definitely there to learn and not necessarily judge. I was actually amused by one student who said that she has two children conceived with the aid of donated sperm so she "knows exactly what we are going through by being a surrogate." Ha! Ha! Ha! 

That is the gist of today's events. Yesterday's events are an entirely different story. 

At the Capitol with our April snowstorm

Yesterday was a meeting in the Minnesota State House at the Capitol with Representative Mary Liz Holberg. She is a very influential person in the Republican party in Minnesota. I looked her up prior to going to the meeting. She is definitely a force to be reckoned with, apparently. She has been a leader among the conservatives with many of the important votes. The one thing I thought might be helpful with influencing her is that she has recently announced her retirement at the end of this session. It seems that people who don't need to worry about a vote to reelect them often vote on things the way they want. Its the "nothing to lose" mentality. 

Ah, how naive, I am about the political system! The Attorney, our lobbyist, a parent who has children with the help of a gestational surrogate, and I met with the Rep Holberg in her office. She basically said "I've already talked with *person I don't know* and I told him that I would vote yes on the little bill but I won't vote yes on the big bill."

Basically, she would be okay with the intent of parentage and the embryo and egg donation portion of the bill, but she is not okay with the surrogate portion of the bill. Sheesh! We were kind of expecting opposition of the bills, so it is possible to separate the bill and just have the first two parts go to the Floor for a vote. 

The Attorney had me tell Rep Holberg a little about why I decided to be surrogate. You all know my reasons (and if you don't, call me! Let's meet for dessert and I would love to chat!) Rep Holberg listened a bit to me and then she stopped me by saying "I personally think what she and other surrogates do is great. I think that most of the surrogates are like her. They are educated, strong, and not just in it for the money. However, the MCCL and the Catholic Church are at my throat about this bill. I will back the little bill like I said, but I just can't back the surrogate portion of the bill."

I left the meeting feeling like no matter what was said to whom, they already had their minds made up on how they are going to vote. It seems like most of the politicians are more concerned about how they are going to get reelected, rather than how bills will benefit their constituents. 

I did have a couple of minutes to talk with the Attorney where I was able to ask some questions of him that have come up the past couple of days. My questions are as follows: 

-Why/how is the topic of surrogacy a partisan issue? (Some people see surrogacy as creating embryos, many of which aren't used in the IVF process. Since some of the embryos are destroyed after the couple has the child/children they want, some individuals see this as pre-abortion. Hence, the party issues.)
-Why are people comparing sperm, egg, and embryo compensation with organ donation? (It seems like sperm, egg, and embryos would be better compared to blood and plasma donation in that if you donate an organ, your body, as a rule, cannot regenerate or compensate for it. Sperm, eggs, blood, and plasma are entirely different in that your body either has a ton of them (eggs and sperm) or can regenerate (blood and plasma). Am I missing something?)
-What is the "normal" protocol for unused embryos? I know one of the arguments against surrogacy is that embryos are destroyed after the number of children wanted have been born. (According to the Attorney, most embryos are still frozen, very few are destroyed as the couple has worked so hard to have a child and are unwilling to destroy any possible other children. Over 55,000 frozen embryos are in the US today.)

Those were my big questions from the past couple of days. Even though I have been personally involved in this process, it appears there is much more to learn with many different positions to consider. 

It's kind of funny for me to hear different people's stories and what people are willing to accept based on their knowledge of the issue. I talked with someone just this week who based their negative opinion of surrogacy on a conversation they have had with one nurse who doesn't even work in the fertility field and what this nurse told them about embryos. Again, their judgement of me, Cohen and Brady, B & R, M & A, all of my surrogate friends, the doctors and other healthcare workers I have worked with... all based on what one uneducated person said. It's difficult for me to be okay with letting this person/s have their judgements, prejudices, whatever you want to call it when it means so much to me. I just don't get it. How can anyone see a picture of Brady and Cohen and think that how they got here is wrong? Maybe its just my optimistic view of life that would rather focus on their adorable faces and the happiness that surrounds them. No matter what their views on the subject, it still boggles my mind that with so much good that happens because of surrogacy there are still people who look at a small part of "what if" and judge the entire process by this small "what if" scenario. Like I said, its funny in a "smack your hand to your forehead" kind of way. 

Wow. How did my soapbox come out again? Sorry about that. Oh, well. That'll happen. After all, I support small miracles!

Grandmas, Followers, Milk, and an Incision

Brady and Cohen had another first: they were treated with a wonderful visit this weekend from two of their grandmas. I am so glad that the boys were able to get some grandma snuggles in! We had dinner last night for us to meet the grandmas as well. Unfortunately, the restaurant was a bit loud so we didn't get to chat much, but I am glad they were able to come up and visit the babies. It was also nice for me to meet them. It is wonderful to know that these little guys will be loved by so many! Tiny babies are so wonderful to see as they don't stay tiny long!

The grandmas went back home today, so I am guessing they got in as many snuggles with the boys before they flew away. Don't worry, Granny and Grams, it won't be long until the boys are home and you will be able to cuddle them as much as you want!

Our family was able to go to church today. This may not seem a big deal, but with me on bed rest for a couple of months and not feeling well prior to that, its been a while since we were able to attend our church. When we walked through the door we were greeted by friends. Shawn and I were asked many questions by people about the babies, B & R, how I am doing, and just general "how are you?" I found out later that while I had shared my blog with a couple of people, MANY people know about this blog! I think that's wonderful that so many caring people are able to be supportive and follow along with our amazing adventure!

Things are going really well with Cohen and Brady. They are both learning how to eat with a bottle. Some feedings they do wonderfully well, others they are tired and just not into sucking their bottles. This is all to be expected and right where they are supposed to be. They will get it when they get it! Every baby does things in their own way, at their own pace. Learning how to feed isn't hindering their growth at all. The boys are over 4 1/2 pounds each! Way to grow, little guys!

Brady & his Daddy's ring.

I was just sent a message letting me know that Brady is officially 1 pound over his birth weight now and weighing 4 pounds 10.5 ounces! Cohen has made great gains and is now 4 pounds 9.7 ounces! Way to thrive, little men!

I'm glad the boys are gaining weight so well. It means that the breast milk I'm producing is working for them. :-) I've kind of backed off the intense pumping schedule every three hours and am more laid back about it. Now, I pump when my body tells me it is time to pump. This is about every 2 1/2 hours during the day and 4ish hours at night, but it does provide me with a bit of freedom and allows a tad more sleep at night (I'm not as young as I used to be and need my sleep!). It seems like my body is adapting to this more easy going schedule as my production is maintaining the supply it has been providing. As long as the babies are being fed and I am able to meet their ever growing demands for sustenance, I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing. 

All right, now the incision part of this blog entry. For some reason, my silly incision scar has been rather painful the past couple of days. Shawn thinks its because I've been overdoing it. I don't think I've been overdoing it, but I do acknowledge that I have been doing a lot. I'm trying to keep to the 10 pound weight limit, and I will admit that occasionally, I may go a bit beyond that. I do not intentionally lift things that I am not supposed to, but I do know it happens every once in a while. Unfortunately, with two small children, I do occasionally get run into by my children. Their adorable little heads and appendages are at waist height, which happens to be where my scar is. I'm working on blocking the advances of my kids before they collide with me. To help with the pain and swelling going on my tummy, I'm pretty much living in yoga pants with a Bella Band for compression because they are easy on my scar. I know it will get better as time goes on so I'm not worried about it. (Of course immediately after I typed this, a small person fell into me... Ouch!)

I thought I would close today's entry with one last belly pic. There is still more to this journey, and I will continue to write about it, but I think its time to close out the "bump" portion of things. You can see the slight swelling from the incisions, but all of the babies'  bump is gone! The bump, the swelling, the incision - they are all worth it. There are two beautiful miracles as results of them all!

Three weeks post-delivery.