Baby Brain and Letting Go

One of my coworkers has been enjoying laughing at/with me every day lately as the condition known as baby brain settles into my noggin. Yes, this is a very real condition and many pregnant women suffer from it!

Under normal circumstances, I would say that I have a very good memory. I can usually remember names and faces, messages from 30+ parents as they drop off their kids in the morning. As I chat with them I usually can recall the messages they requested I pass on to various teachers. I have our family schedule not only in my iPhone but also etched into my brain. I don't consider myself a scatterbrained person at all.

However, now that I am pregnant with large amounts of hormones running through my body, the brain is not always on the full-function mode. Hence my coworker's amusement.

I still remember most appointments and the majority of the parental messages passed to me, but some days I could not tell you what little Tara's mom asked me to tell Miss Julie. Whoosh, gone! Hole where that bit of information used to be! (It often comes back in a couple of hours, so it's not completely lost, just temporarily not accessible).

I most definitely see the humor in the situation and join in on the laughter. Enough people know I'm pregnant so they can all appreciate the situation as well.

Thankfully, the amazing hormones haven't reared their ugly head yet. I'm not at all weepy or impatient, but I have noticed that I am more appreciative of little things. I really love snuggles from a child, extra help with housework, or someone making just what I had been wanting to eat. It's the little things that mean a lot to me.

Speaking of little things, Shawn and I help with a high school's fall musical every year. This year, the school is doing Seussical, the Musical. Having not heard the music in a while, I found myself choking back tears during one of the rehearsals as the young man playing Horton sang "A person's a person, no matter how small." The first time I heard it was the evening after we found out I'm carrying twins for B & R. I was really excited about two babies, and then with that song, well, I was kind of a goner. Its a sentiment I have carried my whole life, and it never feels more real that when I'm pregnant. Very cool, Horton. (What was I saying about not having a lot of crazy hormones?)

Being firmly planted in the first trimester and with full-blown pregnancy symptoms going on (I'm living on Zofran, soup, and soda today) there are some things I have resigned myself to letting go of. I'm not a perfectionist, by any means, but I do strive to do things well. However, with low energy, an unstable stomach, and baby brain in full swing I have temporarily given up some things. Made from scratch healthy dinners have been replaced with take out or Trader Joe's "pop in the oven for 45 minutes" creations. My family's laundry is mostly washed, but a big chunk of it is still in a basket instead of neatly folded in appropriate dressers. And my daughter's birthday party next weekend has been reduced from my usual "made from scratch and practice decorating it the week before" cake to cupcakes and ice cream novelties that I just have to open the box and hand 'em out. And her theme? In the past we've done a huge theme with our front porch decorated with a queen sized pirate flag or two 8 foot tall castle turrets greeting guests as they enter. Not this year! We are going for the super generic "girl birthday" theme with pink and purple flowers. Oh, and the party is at a bowling alley so games not required! Score!

Letting go isn't a bad thing. Natalie isn't bothered by her generic themed birthday party. She loves flowers and bowling, so to her this is perfect. Thankfully, neither me or my husband have jobs which require us to wear business wear, so the fact that our shirts probably have been pulled out of a basket and given a squirt of wrinkle release isn't the end of the world. And my kids have been more than happy to eat chicken quesadillas and lasagna while mommy takes a break from cooking. It means I probably have time to snuggle with them as dinner is thawing in the oven instead of extra meal prep time in the kitchen. 

One humorous thing and I will wrap up this very random post. Today, as I was helping my 5 year old out of the car after church, she commented "wow, mommy. Your tummy really IS getting big!" Thank you, daughter dear. 

Good thing I believe miracles are worth all of this. After all, "a person's a person, no matter how small."

8 weeks 5 days with B & R's twins!

Well, That's a New One

I'm still feeling rather, oh, I don't know, intrigued by something that happened today. I was eating my lunch and enjoying it, when all of a sudden I had this feeling that I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom and sure enough, I lost my lunch. The strange part is once I put myself back together, I really wanted to finish the rest of my lunch. So it obviously wasn't something I ate.

The reason I was so intrigued by this is that for the past month and a half I've been nauseous to the point of Zofran and needing to take things easy. Today is the first time I've lost it. The funny thing is that I was feeling pretty good today on the nausea front. It just doesn't make sense. Feel good = praying to the porcelain god? Hmm...

I'm still crampy, still tired, achy back and hips (I can't wait to see how things are going to be when I'm huge!) so nothing has changed there. I know many women have horrible morning sickness and some even end up in the hospital due to it, so I'm really not complaining about my little issues. I'm just intrigued by it all.

Confusing little miracles (who apparently don't like school lunch tater tot casserole).

Feeding Frenzy

I was chatting with my husband and telling him about the eating habits I've recently developed. He was rather impressed with my crazy intake, so I thought I'd share it here, too. Mind you, this is what happens on a normal weekday. (It's even more amazing that I haven't gained any weight, yet!)

7:30-8 a.m. A big bowl of chocolate malt-o-meal. Yummy! Perhaps a banana if there's one available.

9-9:30 a.m. Blueberry bagel, plain. 

11:30 a.m. School lunch. Lately, I've been asking for a double portion of the veggies and fruit, and sometimes a bit more entree.

1:30 p.m. Fruit or veggies or chex mix or whatever sounds good.

6 p.m. Dinner of whatever sounds good. 

8 p.m. Whatever sounds good (usually just a little something.

I'm so amazed at the insanely large amounts of food I'm consuming. Not only that, but the short intervals between each food grouping is crazy, too! It's not like I'm constantly grazing, but by the time I eat at each interval I'm really hungry! Tummy rumbling, need something now kind of hungry!

My sweet tooth hasn't reared its head in about a month, so that's good for the babies. I do like the occasional sweet (caramel, sixlets, airhead, skittles, etc) I'm back to liking strawberries and I'm appreciating having that one back. 

A big thing I've noticed is that when I want a food it's a very specific food I want. For example, last night I wanted French onion soup. So, my loving husband went to a local restaurant and brought me back some soup. I don't remember having many of these specific cravings when I was pregnant with my girls, but these babies are very specific about what they want. :-)

Bon appétit, little miracles!

A Little Pudge

Wow, is a twin pregnancy way different than a singleton pregnancy! I've talked about the nausea (I'm officially down at my pre-pregnancy weight, thanks to the morning sickness) but over the weekend I've noticed that I'm officially got the pregnancy pudge. :-)

Granted, I definitely didn't have washboard abs to start with, but I  was not sporting the gut I have right now! Good thing I like maternity pants as they are super soft and stretchy and allow room for this new development. It's nice not being so constricted by my super cute non-maternity embroidered and studded pocket on the tush jeans. (Okay, so I am mourning my jeans just a little bit. I'll get over it.)

Speaking of maternity clothes, let me just wax eloquently for a moment about maternity shirts. Basically, there are a couple of different styles of maternity shirts. 1) The Tent. Anything that has a band, belt, or elastic right under the bust and flares out making whatever size your belly is appear to be full-term. 2) "Share Your Blessings." Also known as a deep v-neck. Seriously, we all know that with pregnancy you get a visit from the boob fairy, but why the stinkin' deep V? There are some things I jut don't want hanging out, pregnant or not. 3) The Quaker. Peter Pan collars, Laura Ashley lace, basically, or anything that looks like something your mom or grandma wore when they were pregnant back in the day. Yes, they still sell and make these. 4) Fashion Forward. Think boutique and big price tags. 5) Comfortable Casual. Extra long t-shirts, baggy items without a lot of buttons, elastic or belts. Shapeless bit of maternity wear staple.

At least most of it is designed for comfort, so that's a plus. I mostly stuck to easy, comfortable, and casual. The occasional V neck would come out, but that's why the cami was invented, at least for me. Cute, but comfortable is what I try to shoot for.

So, here ya go, my first belly shot, both a close up and full length. Not my most photogenic moments, but at least the moment is captured for posterity. Cindy Crawford I am not, but what do you expect when I'm experiencing morning sickness for two! 

 7 weeks prego with R & B's miracles

7 weeks 5 days twin baby bump. That's a whole lotta tiny babies in there!

Grow little miracles, grow!

The Joys of Early Pregnancy

Those wonderful scientists at Glaxo Smith Klein have my unending appreciation for developing Zofran. Without it, these early days of freakishly high hormones would have me completely out for the count. Morning (all day) sickness has been increasing daily, but thanks to my happy pills and a pile of crackers, I am functioning fairly well!

One thing I'm appreciating about morning sickness is the slight weight loss! Nothing dramatic, but hey, I'm not 22 anymore. Weight takes more effort to lose these years. A couple of pounds gone makes me pretty happy, especially when I realize that in the next six months I will be gaining a lot of weight, and not all of it will be babies! Lose it while I can, right?

Please believe me when I say I'm not trying to lose weight, it just happens during the first trimester for me. I am almost constantly munching on whatever sounds good at the moment to give me and the babies whatever nutrients we can get. Also, having a small bit of something in my stomach makes me less queasy. Today, my post lunch/pre-snack time munchies include mandarin oranges and broccoli with ranch dressing. Strange combo, I know, but as long as my stomach wants it I'm eating it! 

One slight humorous annoyance this morning happened while getting dressed. I attempted to put on a pair of jeans for work, but I was completely unable to button them! Not even just a little tight, the button and the hole had a good space between them! So off they went and on with the yoga pants! I'm not showing yet, but things are definitely getting tighter than I like to wear them!

Yesterday when I woke up, I informed my husband that my body pillow will be joining us in bed from now on. Oh, how my hips ached! So last night my big blue pillow made its way into bed with me and I'm please to report that I had no hip pain this morning! Good thing we have a bed big enough for the 3 of us! :-)

I think the only other thing I'm noticing about the early stage of pregnancy is how tired I get. I'm at work by 7 and stay until 2:45ish, go home in time to get my kindergardener off of the bus and then I usually give her some down time before she has to do anything. It's during this time that I try to sneak in a nap. The nap usually helps to get me to bedtime, but I will admit that I am usually ready to crash just as soon as I can. I recently stopped drinking my morning chai and am wondering if that could be causing some of the fatigue. If it is, well too bad. I know that too much caffeine (no one knows how much is too much) can lead to premature delivery, and as I'm carrying twins and my deliveries tend to be a bit on the early side anyway, I'm doing everything I can to help the babies develop as long as they can. :-)

I'm loving the round ligament stretching and the cramping. They tell me things are going well inside. Only a couple of times has it really hurt and then I just tell the babies to play nicely.

So, all of that to say things are going along just as they should. I'm enjoying the randomness of foods I seem to be eating these days. I'm not craving any one thing, but notice certain things sound good at various times. (For example, today I've had a plain blueberry bagel, chex mix, cantaloupe, broccoli chicken rice casserole, mandarin oranges, and broccoli with ranch. Strange, right? Oh, and I've washed it down with 75 oz of ice water). I can't wait to see what I eat this afternoon!

Fun little miracles!

Reactions and Responses

I knew when I signed up to be a surrogate that I would encounter all kinds of responses. You never really know what people's reactions are going to be until you meet them head on.

At first, I was very selective with who I told. A few close friends knew and that's about it. I wanted to surround myself with people I knew would support me. 

Closer to my first transfer Shawn and I told our families and more friends. We kind of expected some resistance from some people and we were prepared for it. We were not disappointed. Thankfully, we mostly found it humorous, but our decision had been made and a few questionable reactions were not going to change anything.

Now that I am actually pregnant with another couple's children, I can honestly say that I am still mostly amused with the varying  reactions to our news. 

Today, for example, one of my student's parents asked if I had the ultrasound and if we had a count of how many. I responded with "Twins!" and he heartily congratulated me and asked what the parents thought.

Another parent knows that I'm pregnant, and asked me how I'm doing. I told her pretty well, just battling major nausea with these two. She was quite taken aback and said "twins? Wow! Well, good for you!" I said yes, twins, and the parents are really excited for them. She had a look in her eye and asked what I meant. I said "I've told you that I'm the surrogate and I'm carrying for another couple, haven't I?" She gave me a long "nooo" and a "oh, that's nice." She quickly walked away.

Honestly, the negative reactions and the lack of reactions from some people do bother me a little, but not enough to make me regret my decision. I told my husband that honestly the people who aren't supportive of me are doing me a favor. I now know who I can count on and who really cares about me. I know who my true friends are because of all of this. It really is a blessing in disguise.

I haven't decided if I'm going to "come out" over a widespread area like Facebook or even what to do about my family Christmas letter and card. I will obviously be showing by the time we take our picture for it, and I usually recap the year's events for us all. My surrogacy journey has been a big part of my life this past year. I'm just not sure... 

All of this has taught me a lesson. I think that it is possible to be supportive of someone else's decision even if you don't agree with the decision. It's more about putting the other person's needs first and just loving the person for who they are. You don't have to love the decision or even agree with the decision, but remember there is a human being who needs people to come alongside them and care about them.

These little miracles have a long road ahead of them. They have 7 more months of me taking care of them and a lifetime with their parents to look forward to. From what I know of their parents, they will be given the unconditional love and support they need throughout their lives. I pray they, and my own two girls, never question the love and support of their family and friends.

I'm supportive of Little Miracles!

Good Things

Ah, things are looking up! There are several reasons for my happiness:

At my appointment yesterday I asked the doctor if I could have some Zofran. She immediately agreed! Morning/all day sickness and nausea miraculously disappeared! I've been great all day with the nausea completely gone!

I've been pretty careful about what I eat, staying away from foods that are gooey or exceptionally thick or just turn my stomach (yogurt, most chicken, fish, mushrooms). I've been majorly craving red meat and breads. When I looked up the red meat thing, I read that when carrying twins I need more protein than if I was carrying a single baby. Makes sense and I don't feel so bad for eating two slices of meatloaf at lunch! :-)

I have no idea what the bread craving is about, but I'm enjoying it while I have it! I do love my breads!

I read today that for someone of a healthy weight, such as I am, I should plan on gaining roughly 35 - 55 lbs during the next 7 months. Wow! That's a lot of weight! It should be interesting to see that on me! Bring it! This will be quite the challenge to put on for the babies and then take it off again after babies are born.

The final thing I am pretty happy about is naps. My girls have been wonderful and let me take a nap in the afternoon. These little naps help me make it to bedtime. Such a wonderful treat to take a nap!

I do have a lot to be thankful for. The babies are healthy and right on track, B & R are pretty pleased with the news of their babies, I'm feeling really good, and I have a loving and supportive husband and kids who make each day wonderful. 

And sometime in the not-to-distant-future we will have two miracles to celebrate!