Getting Back to Normal

People have been asking me how I'm doing since everything happened on Monday. I'll try to summarize what's going on with me, both physically and emotionally.

Physically, I am doing okay. The cramping has stopped, which is good. I am still bleeding but not concerned about that. Hey, my body has been through a lot. I am still dealing with some nail problems that developed while I was on the Lupron, but at least they are no longer infected. The last symptom that I am experiencing is a lot of lower back pain. Unfortunately, I work with young children so I am bending over or kneeling a lot, which is definitely aggravating my back. Its not something that is limiting me in any way, just makes me want to crash on the couch as soon as I get home to give my back a break. I am going away for the weekend and hope to take it easy to give my back some time off from lifting small children or a lot of bending.

Emotionally, I feel like I have been on a roller coaster. I did go off all of the synthetic hormones and my body has been trying to regulate itself. I can cry at the drop of a hat, which is totally unlike me, but I think I have finally started to level off. I definitely have disappointment in the fact that everything I have been through for the past many months could all be wasted should M & A not want to continue. I know that they have a lot going on that I am not at liberty to share here. I want to go forward and give it another go on having M & A's baby, but I have to leave it with them to make the decision.

Its been a crazy week for me emotionally with receiving so much support from my friends/coworkers and even my students' parents. Shawn has been amazing as well, being there as a shoulder to cry on, for a good back rub, to give me a hug, or to just hold my hand. There has been silence from a few key people in my life and that has been disappointing, but at least I know who is supporting me in all of this and who I can turn to when I need support.

Anyway, I am hanging in here, just waiting to hear back from the agency on what M & A want to do. If they chose not to continue, then I will be back in the pool to try to find another family I can help. I still believe in miracles.