Medical Red Tape

Apparently, I am a complex person, medically speaking. At least my pregnancies are. There seems to be quite a bit of medical red-tape to work through to get the go-ahead.

The clinic that is working with the potential parents isn't convinced by my doctor's note that I can safely carry another baby(ies). They requested all medical notes from my first pregnancy so, my wonderful OB/Gyn clinic received a call from me requesting that info. Hopefully, once it's faxed to the clinic we will get an all-clear. Once that happens we will have our getting-to-know-you phone call and get this miracle started!

Challenges

I'm still waiting to see if the phone call will happen. Apparently, the IP's clinic isn't sure they want to take a chance on someone who has had two previous early babies. Both my girls were born around the 36 week mark and the aren't sure I should carry for them with this history. I have reassured them that my OB is very okay with me carrying another child and is even okay with multiples.

So, where we are is that I am waiting until Monday so I can call my OB and have them write a letter letting them know that it's okay for me to carry another. If the IP's clinic is okay with everything then the agency will set up the phone call and we will go from there.

There's a lot that goes into a miracle!

Possibly a New Family?

We are really moving fast here! No objections from me! The Agency sent me the profile of another couple looking for a surrogate. About four minutes after getting the email I was replying back with a "hook me up!" They sound like the kind of people I want to help have a family.

If you have been following my story you know that in the next week or so I will have an in depth conference call with them and the Agency. After the call, both the couple and I will get back to the agency with a decision of wether or not we want to work together. Should all parties say yes, then we have a contract drawn up and go from there. Good fun, right?

Still waiting on a miracle.

Moving On

I received an email today from M & A. They have decided not to pursue another transfer. This failed cycle really shook them up a lot. My thoughts and prayers are with them.

What this means for me is that I notified the agency that I would like to be matched with another couple. Back to not-quite square one but pretty close. I don't think I have to fill out the application again, but I'll have to go through the "we found someone who you might like and agree with" stage, the initial phone call, the 47 page contract... All of that good stuff. All for a miracle.

A Few Good Things

This past weekend I was at a women's retreat with some ladies from my church. On Friday night as part of the introductions we were asked to say the best thing that happened during the week and the worst. I happened to be last one to talk.

I said that the best thing from the week was the amazing love and support my friends, coworkers, and husband are to me, and the worst was a miscarriage where I needed my friends, coworkers, and husband to support me.

Later, people would ask about the miscarriage and I was able to tell them that I'm a surrogate for another couple. I was amazed at the number of women who sought me out to take about infertility, surrogacy, and everything in between. Wow, have a lot of women been affected by infertility! I heard stories about years of testing, medications, injections and failures just to find out there was no explanation for their infertility. I talked with one woman who is five months pregnant after going through three years of fertility treatments. I talked with women who chose to adopt due to unexplained infertility. I was amazed...

I have always believed that bad things happen for a reason. Maybe this has happened to me so I can be a support or even an example to others... Maybe we might see a miracle out of all of this.

Getting Back to Normal

People have been asking me how I'm doing since everything happened on Monday. I'll try to summarize what's going on with me, both physically and emotionally.

Physically, I am doing okay. The cramping has stopped, which is good. I am still bleeding but not concerned about that. Hey, my body has been through a lot. I am still dealing with some nail problems that developed while I was on the Lupron, but at least they are no longer infected. The last symptom that I am experiencing is a lot of lower back pain. Unfortunately, I work with young children so I am bending over or kneeling a lot, which is definitely aggravating my back. Its not something that is limiting me in any way, just makes me want to crash on the couch as soon as I get home to give my back a break. I am going away for the weekend and hope to take it easy to give my back some time off from lifting small children or a lot of bending.

Emotionally, I feel like I have been on a roller coaster. I did go off all of the synthetic hormones and my body has been trying to regulate itself. I can cry at the drop of a hat, which is totally unlike me, but I think I have finally started to level off. I definitely have disappointment in the fact that everything I have been through for the past many months could all be wasted should M & A not want to continue. I know that they have a lot going on that I am not at liberty to share here. I want to go forward and give it another go on having M & A's baby, but I have to leave it with them to make the decision.

Its been a crazy week for me emotionally with receiving so much support from my friends/coworkers and even my students' parents. Shawn has been amazing as well, being there as a shoulder to cry on, for a good back rub, to give me a hug, or to just hold my hand. There has been silence from a few key people in my life and that has been disappointing, but at least I know who is supporting me in all of this and who I can turn to when I need support.

Anyway, I am hanging in here, just waiting to hear back from the agency on what M & A want to do. If they chose not to continue, then I will be back in the pool to try to find another family I can help. I still believe in miracles.

We Have a Result...

And that result would be negative. I am not pregnant. My HCG dropped to a 2.

M & A are crushed, naturally. I haven't spoken with them, I want to give them time to process, but my heart is just breaking for them. I know how much they have invested in this process and to think that six months of our lives have been revolving around this process. It's a lot to have gone with one phone call.

According to PC, M & A aren't sure they want to go forward from here. PC will give them some time and then contact them to find out what they want to do. I told PC that if M & A want to go forward that I would definitely want to be a part of their journey if they would like to continue with me.

I have been instructed to stop all medications, so I'm officially done with extra hormones for the time being. I'm still cramping a lot, but that's been happening since last Thursday. And yes, I'm still bleeding, although not nearly as heavy as a couple days ago.

Emotionally, I'm feeling heavy, mostly with disappointment for M & A. I guess I hadn't realized how emotionally attached I was to M & A and their pending miracle. I, of course, am disappointed. I know that I did everything possible to give us the best situation possible, so I'm not feeling guilt (that I've been told often accompanies surrogates who are in this situation), but there is still a small part of me wondering what else could have helped us have a different outcome. I guess there are some questions that just don't have answers.

My thoughts and prayers are with M & A as they make tough decisions. We all need a miracle to get us through the next couple days.