Why all the math? You know how much I love math (yeah, right).
There's a very good reason for the math. Here it is: I've officially finished pumping.
Big news, right? I know!
First, the technical part: Over the past 5 1/2 months, I've pumped every 3-4 hours around the clock. This equals to roughly 1,304 pumping sessions. Each pumping session lasts between 30-60 minutes (some days I would have a huge supply, hence the need for a longer session.) This means I was hooked up to that machine 652 hours, or just a bit over 27 days.
First, the technical part: Over the past 5 1/2 months, I've pumped every 3-4 hours around the clock. This equals to roughly 1,304 pumping sessions. Each pumping session lasts between 30-60 minutes (some days I would have a huge supply, hence the need for a longer session.) This means I was hooked up to that machine 652 hours, or just a bit over 27 days.
I've sent something like 1,100 bags with 8oz of milk to Brady and Cohen, and countless bottles delivered to the hospital. Figuring out the average of 70oz a day I was pumping at the start and pretty much maintained, that equals 11,340 oz of milk produced. That's over 88 1/2 gallons! No wonder the boys are looking so healthy!
Don't they look great? Milk, it does a couple of bodies good!
I am pretty daunted and amazed by all of these facts. It is a bit fascinating when you can see the numbers and not just a small bottle of liquid. Go me!
Like I said before, I was getting 70ish ounces a day on average through most of the past months. Some days and sessions, I could get 20 ounces per session. For some reason, these past couple of weeks my body has significantly decreased the amount it was producing. And just this last week, I have dropped production even more.
This pic is the amount I was able to produce all day on Wednesday. 3 whopping ounces. Woo hoo.
Aside from all of the above mentioned stats, I'm having a bit of a hard time letting this go. Not that it won't be wonderful not having to plan my life around when I will need to pump to avoid leaking or even just being really uncomfortable. And it will be nice not taking supplements every day or even drinking multiple cups of Mother's Milk tea (although I have really started to enjoy teas!). And, frankly, the physical discomfort will NOT be missed. No matter what creams, lanolins, or pads/cups I used, there was always a bit of discomfort to some degree for some reason. And I'm not even talking about engorgement here, either! All of that will not be missed at all.
No, my difficulty letting go is nothing I can actually touch. What's going on is all mental, and I totally realize this. I kind of feel like with me stopping the pumping and supplying milk for Brady and Cohen, I am finally done with my surrogate duties. The very last physical part of this journey is done for me. It really is hard to explain, but I just know that I feel like I'm going through another separation from Brady and Cohen and even Brad and Rodney again.
Honestly, the first time I said goodbye to Brad, Rodney, Brady, and Cohen, I know I had major hormones running through me as I sobbed my way home. I wasn't sad, upset, whatever because I wasn't keeping the babies. It was more about saying goodbye to my friends and being done with my surrogacy journey.
Since they went home back in May, I have visited them several times and haven't had major emotions upon leaving. Its wonderful seeing all of them and just to have the reassurance that they are well and I really did help with the making of their family.
This time, this really is the last "thing" I have. Oh, don't get me wrong. I am still friends with their family. I still chat with them quite often. We share texts back and forth. I am contemplating taking the girls on a road trip to visit them next month. I know that just because I am done pumping doesn't mean the end of all communication or contact.
Even though I know all of this, it doesn't mean its any easier for me right now. I know I'll be okay once I come to grips with this new situation. But, I think its perfectly okay for me to spend time processing all of this. Life is full of goodbyes and changes and this is just one of them. Okay, so not everyone deals with this particular situation, but for those of us lucky enough to be called "surrogate" this is a bit of our reality.
So, for this chapter of my life, and for this surrogacy journey, I am wrapping things up. Sometime in the upcoming days, I will send the last frozen package to the guys. I will begin putting things on the shelves in my freezers that have been dedicated to milk, and I will pack away the pump and its parts until I need to use them again.
What? Did I not mention that part? No, I am not pregnant, nor am I planning any additions to our family. I would love to be a part of another surrogate journey in the future. I know that it is not advised that I attempt another pregnancy before the one year mark of my c-section. However, having been through the whole matching/screening/contract thing, I know there is a lot of prep work before we can even attempt the whole pregnancy thing.
So, stay tuned for another possible journey and another miracle!
Brady and Cohen, one year after the embryo transfer and the start of this amazing journey!
*All numbers in this post are approximates, since I didn't actually keep track of ounces per day, bags shipped, number of pumping sessions, etc. Hey, I'm just not that anal or have that kind of time!
Like I said before, I was getting 70ish ounces a day on average through most of the past months. Some days and sessions, I could get 20 ounces per session. For some reason, these past couple of weeks my body has significantly decreased the amount it was producing. And just this last week, I have dropped production even more.
Aside from all of the above mentioned stats, I'm having a bit of a hard time letting this go. Not that it won't be wonderful not having to plan my life around when I will need to pump to avoid leaking or even just being really uncomfortable. And it will be nice not taking supplements every day or even drinking multiple cups of Mother's Milk tea (although I have really started to enjoy teas!). And, frankly, the physical discomfort will NOT be missed. No matter what creams, lanolins, or pads/cups I used, there was always a bit of discomfort to some degree for some reason. And I'm not even talking about engorgement here, either! All of that will not be missed at all.
No, my difficulty letting go is nothing I can actually touch. What's going on is all mental, and I totally realize this. I kind of feel like with me stopping the pumping and supplying milk for Brady and Cohen, I am finally done with my surrogate duties. The very last physical part of this journey is done for me. It really is hard to explain, but I just know that I feel like I'm going through another separation from Brady and Cohen and even Brad and Rodney again.
Honestly, the first time I said goodbye to Brad, Rodney, Brady, and Cohen, I know I had major hormones running through me as I sobbed my way home. I wasn't sad, upset, whatever because I wasn't keeping the babies. It was more about saying goodbye to my friends and being done with my surrogacy journey.
Since they went home back in May, I have visited them several times and haven't had major emotions upon leaving. Its wonderful seeing all of them and just to have the reassurance that they are well and I really did help with the making of their family.
This time, this really is the last "thing" I have. Oh, don't get me wrong. I am still friends with their family. I still chat with them quite often. We share texts back and forth. I am contemplating taking the girls on a road trip to visit them next month. I know that just because I am done pumping doesn't mean the end of all communication or contact.
Even though I know all of this, it doesn't mean its any easier for me right now. I know I'll be okay once I come to grips with this new situation. But, I think its perfectly okay for me to spend time processing all of this. Life is full of goodbyes and changes and this is just one of them. Okay, so not everyone deals with this particular situation, but for those of us lucky enough to be called "surrogate" this is a bit of our reality.
So, for this chapter of my life, and for this surrogacy journey, I am wrapping things up. Sometime in the upcoming days, I will send the last frozen package to the guys. I will begin putting things on the shelves in my freezers that have been dedicated to milk, and I will pack away the pump and its parts until I need to use them again.
What? Did I not mention that part? No, I am not pregnant, nor am I planning any additions to our family. I would love to be a part of another surrogate journey in the future. I know that it is not advised that I attempt another pregnancy before the one year mark of my c-section. However, having been through the whole matching/screening/contract thing, I know there is a lot of prep work before we can even attempt the whole pregnancy thing.
So, stay tuned for another possible journey and another miracle!
*All numbers in this post are approximates, since I didn't actually keep track of ounces per day, bags shipped, number of pumping sessions, etc. Hey, I'm just not that anal or have that kind of time!
